Blu-ray Review: APARTMENT 1303 3D

apartment-1303-review copy

Apartment 1303 starts off with a fairly atmospheric opening credits sequence, but the film takes an absolute nose-dive once we get to any actual footage.

Janet Slate (Julianne Michelle) has just signed the lease on her dream apartment. She can now move from home, away from her domineering mother (Rebecca De Mornay), a washed-up rock star with a penchant for vodka. All is good in the world, until things start to go bump in the night. When Janet takes a tumble out of her 13th floor window, suspicions turn to her undercover cop boyfriend (Corey Seiver), however her sister (Mischa Barton) believes that other forces may be at work.

Apartment 1303 is a cinematic abomination of the highest order. The film looks cheap, the set design is substandard, while the cinematography is flat – god only knows what this looks like in 3D, but luckily you do have that option. Then there’s the plot, which just doesn’t hold together. Rebecca De Mornay and Mischa Barton appear to be in a totally different movie, a sort of mother and daughter version of Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? – and not a particularly good one at that. Meanwhile, Julianne Michelle is embarrassing. True, she doesn’t have a lot to work with, but her performance is painful to watch. She also looks ridiculous; think Angelina Jolie meets a Bratz doll, crossed with 500 degree temperatures.

Director Michael Taverna’s film is a remake of the 2007 j-horror movie and I can’t vouch for the quality of that movie, but this remake makes me think that it must look like Citizen Kane by comparison. There’s a total lack of tension and the film chugs along until it reaches its not-very-interesting conclusion, complete with the obligatory ‘twist’.

Apartment 1303 clocks in at under 90 minutes, but it feels infinitely longer. The only thing scary about this so-called horror is its total lack of quality.